Joy and Self

The only moments in which we are truly happy are those in which we forget ourselves. I think about the times when I have experienced joy, not simply the masturbatory gratification, but real joy, and have to agree: it was categorically when I had forgotten myself and was just being in the moment. No pretense of transcendence or enlightenment, those things place the ego in the center: just simply involved in being and finding that I was sublimely in joy.

The Greek term in the NT is “µετ’ χάρα.” It is used of saints and sages that forget themselves in the presence of the divine and simply let it be.

I think of those fleeting moments that make life bearable. They were in disparate contexts but shared the common denominator of finding myself forgotten in the experience:

• Making love with MM
  
• Playing my music when it is in the pocket and happening
  
• Sailing
  
• Being with my children
  
• Cycling in the zone
  
• Writing and losing myself in the beauty and wonder of language
  
• Cooking a beautiful dinner
  
• Teaching
  
• An unintended and spontaneous act of kindness or compassion

The hard think is that in order to forget myself I can’t think about myself. Now this is where the whole thing becomes paradoxical: If I try not to think of myself I am thinking about myself. It can’t be forced. It can be learned, but I am a slow learner. It just happens. And there is the realization that there is something beautiful and good happening.

Ah, to live is such forgetful bliss. I wish you joy and peace.

But I am only a fool…