I got a call from my ex-wife today. I have been married and divorced twice. In a world that values being coupled over all things I find myself to be the anomaly: a 47 year old man living alone. I know that I have bought into the value of living as a couple, but fate has been cruel to me in this regard: I believe in mating for life and have fared very poorly in that regard. But I digress, SL called me. I cut contact with her following some issues that cause both MM and myself some discomfort. Partly for MM's sake, mostly for my own concerns about SL, I decided to say a final adieu and requested no further contact.
How can I say this subtly: SL was a bit of a slut when younger and enjoyed recounting tales of her past to me, generally over my protestations to leave it the hell alone. I did not want to hear about her three-ways, her use of sex to manipulate men, her tendency to flat out lie. I wanted to live in the now. SL wanted to recall her glory days, all the while telling me that she was glad that those days were over.
They were not over.
No, she was not sleeping with others, but she was not able to keep faith in the marriage. There were more issues than I can recount here in the time that I have. Difficulties in the church I was serving as its senior pastor, SL bringing her niece and daughter into my home (at my expense), SL deciding that she was too stressed to work. I felt like I was being milked for all I was worth. Still I wanted to make a go of it. SL decided to lie. All the time that she said that she was in for the long-run, when was looking for a way out.
Now I am a reasonably intelligent man. I have an IQ that is at least two, maybe two and one half standard deviations off the norm. You would think that I could see that this woman was not good for me. I did not. I tried to be a friend. Even after the divorce we were sexually intimate. I realized that I was a convenient fuck-buddy. I still wanted more, she wanted a safe sexual partner. I learned that she was telling her daughters that she had not seen me and that I was out of her life. I learned this because her daughter - the one that offered me oral sex if I let her stay out late at night - was still in contact with my eldest daughter. I confronted her with the lie and cut off contact. She continued to call. I would try to be a friend then realize what a sap I was being.
SL called today. Her pretext was that Earthlink had made an error in the billing and that I must know something about it. I had Earthlink, but have not used them for years as my ISP. It was a pretext. I curtly answered the question and hung up. I am frustrated. SL simply does not get it: this is a woman that lied to me straight faced. Her refusal to keep commitments cost me my career as a pastor. I am only now beginning to recover from the tailspin that she set me on four years ago. And she still does not get it.
I am irritated but with each contact I see her more clearly for what she is: a user. I don't want her in my life and wish to hell that she would stop calling. She has sent a couple of emails. I have ignored them. My mistake was in sending a response when I heard that she had purchased her parents' home congratulating her and wishing her well. That seemed like the gracious thing to do. It was not an open door or an invitation. I was very curt on the phone. There was no email from her on any of my accounts today (for which I am thankful), though I doubt that I would dignify any contact with response.
I just want to go on and to let my life progress. SL was a mistake. I have come to the point of regretting the whole damn thing. I want to move on.
- tdf
