It has been a rugged several days, to say the least. I have fallen to nadir, was convinced that I had lost the woman I loved, confronted my issues regarding trust, and am beginning anew.
I have had ENOUGH drama for the New Year, thank you very much.
MM came to me and said that she had made a mistake. She wanted to try again. I have to be honest and say that I was hesitant. I am still concerned about whether she will do this again, but that is a risk that I am willing to take. We went through a rather difficult conversation that began with my stating that I felt that trust had been violated and that it would be difficult for me to trust again; beyond this I was concerned that MM did not trust me.
The conversation wavered from a chat to open anger (on my part), to breaking down crying. MM broke down and had a major anxiety attack. This was more than I could bear. I went into my care-giver mode and that’s when I realized that I needed to try again. It may or may not work. But I am willing to try.
I have several issues (as does MM) that need to be discussed. I want to find a way to do so that does not become a “what’s wrong with you” session. I know that I can be difficult. MM has her issues that are valid. But beyond the issues is a real and abiding love. Surely this is worth trying again.
I do know one thing: I can’t do another week like the last one again.
Happy New Year… let’s hope it’s a good one.
