Yesterday I was thinking about pain and happiness. I don't want to suggest that happiness is a bad thing. I simply don't believe that it is the ultimate good. Happiness may come with love, as a result of finding joy in others. If happiness becomes my only aim, however, then I believe that the feeding of my appetites becomes source of happiness. This can lead to ego-centrism and greed.
I had written in some previous posts about truth. I abhor lying; I consider a lie to be a willful act to conceal or distort the truth. This may be accomplished by an omission or commission, adding to or taking away from truth. To be certain we all do this without will. Distortion is not the same as lying. Concealment is not the same as lying. There are things that we have in our subconscious of which we are not aware. It is not a lie to be unaware of them. There is no will to conceal involved.
When there is an encounter with the truth - for those who are rightly entitled to truth - the opportunity to be honest or deceptive presents itself. I have struggled with the famous question posed years ago about the homicidal madperson who wishes to know where my family is that she or he may harm them. They ask me where my children are. I know fully that this person means them harm. Do I tell him the truth? Of course not. In this world the greater good is served by a deception or a concealment. I suppose that I could simply refuse to say anything. Either way, that person is not entitled to the truth for what he or she may do with it.
Truth is more than the sum of facts. It is the attitude of fidelity toward something greater than the self. In my mind this brings us back to love.
Writing Later in the Day...
I am confused about love. I read a really insipid post on another blog that reduced love to the emotive sense derived from sexual contact. What a dweeb. Love is much more than sex. Sex is part of loving, but what of love of country, love of children, love of an ideal or a God? The Greeks had it right: they had several words for love. They understood that there is more than eros or philos or agape (to name the most commonly used three). None was exclusive, each had a fuzzy boarder to the other, all were interrelated and distinct. Love as a whole - in all of its manifestations - rests behind the call to live beyond ourselves. The gent who wrote about sexual love as the root of love obviously has missed this point.
I suppose, if I am honest with myself, that I have never had good luck with love. It has caused me much pain and suffering. Still, I dare to love. I wonder why. I think it is because I yearn for a partner. It seems that MM was not that person. She was over tonight. We dined and enjoyed an awkwardly pleasant evening. She left early. No sex, no desire on my part to be that intimate. When she left my mind began to wander. It is hard for me to see us together again. I would rather be civil. Maybe even friendly, but trust has been compromised. This is where I am not nearly as resilient as I had been in the past. Once faith has been broken it is deuce difficult for me to let it be reestablished.
I need to think. I need to feel. I need some time.
