Core Values

LAST NIGHT I WROTE ABOUT My resolves for the year and offered a quick and dirty update on my progress. In the posting in which I had outlined my resolutions I also posted what I termed "core values." The extended quote from that posting follows:

"Peace and Harmony : I gave up trying to save the world years ago. Now I just want my corner to be tidy and a haven for peace and beauty. If I do this maybe somebody else will, and then somebody else, and so on until the world is saved by stages.

"Do no harm : If I can't help you , I certainly won't hurt you. That is much harder than it sounds. This has been the great challenge of my life and continues to be the central motivation in all that I have done. I have failed miserably at times. Other times I have had modest success. There is much that I have done of which I am rightly proud. I want to continue doing what is good and learn to leave behind what is not.

"Live, laugh, love : In one-hundred years all of us will be gone and nothing will be left but the sound of our laughter and the salt of our tears' enough said on that one.

"Honest and meaningful work : I do like to work. But I cannot work for something that I do not believe in. I won't whore myself out for material gain. Unlike some of my leftist friends, I do not see corporations or wealth as evil. I see them as areas that have been easily corrupted, however. Greed is the enemy, not wealth."

It is the final comment that struck me: "Greed is the enemy, not wealth." I suppose that this is one against which I have struggled for years. Most of my career has been spent working with people of modest means. I have seen profound acts of generosity from the poor and profound acts of greed. I came to see that greed does not know nor does it respect one's economic status. I am not a greedy person. But it is my deepest fear that I could become one. I would hate to see me become miserly.

I suppose that it is hard for me to be prudent when I too easily associate that with being greedy. Keeping for myself would have made my current situation less onerous. I would be in a more secure place had I planned for the moment rather than just living in the moment. I need to think, in this second half of life, about how to better use the resources upon which consensus has endowed with value.

The other values are part of my being. I need to focus on them and live according to their counsel more intentionally, more deliberately. They have been part of my way of being in the world for years. Surely, prudence can keep their company.

- tDF

Reviewing and Reconsidering Resolutions for 2004

As I’ve said, when things are going well there is precious little to write about. So, lacking for any histrionics – a good thing that – I’ve opted to do my review of my resolutions made in 2004. It has been years since I’ve done resolves, mainly because I know that I am piss-poor at keeping them. I am very distractible and find other things that are more interesting than the plan made. This year was to have been different. We are standing almost ten months into the year; let’s see how tDF has done, shall we? Good. Here goes…

1. Employment: Locate a suitable job teaching special education – I am subbing on a regular basis. I’ve moved closer to my credential but have not yet found employment. I have to say that I need to become very assertive on this goal. So much hinges on being gainfully employed. When I think about taking the time that I have it seems like an outlandish luxury. But still, it is part of recovery.

2. Music: Record my CD (vanity, vanity…) – It really isn’t vanity to fulfill a dream. This has proven much harder than I had imagined. It is in progress, but not near completion yet. It is coming.

3. Music: Formal studies! Theory and counterpoint? – I gave this a half-hearted attempt, but did not do well with the instructor that I was working with. I need to focus on this one later. Thinking about it now, I think that this needs to be deferred.

4. Music: Resume gigging in Ventura, Santa Barbara and Los Angeles Counties – I have worked on my webpage and have done the background work, but have made no concerted efforts to begin gigging. Other things were more pressing (recording my album).

5. Financial: Debt free and living on a budget (How bourgeois can it get!!!!) – OK, this is the big area of work. I think that it was unrealistic to say debt free and living on a budget whilst a student. I am closer to working with a budget out of pure necessity. I have some pretty hairy debts though.

6. Spiritual/Emotional: Spend disciplined time in meditation/prayer, find a community of faith – Nope. Did little on this one. I find that I am still uncertain about a community of faith. I tried to go with MM to her church, with some pretty chilling results. I find that I am thinking more about the life of the spirit, but do very little in this regard. Still, for me thinking is almost an act of devotion and reverence. It shouldn’t be underrated.

7. Spiritual/Emotional: Do works of charity and peace that cannot be paid back (all anonymous). – I have done this, almost without thinking. Of this I am proud. I have helped people that will never know that I have extended myself for their sakes. This is a good thing.

8. Physical Health: Eat well and exercise – Does eat too damn much qualify? How about lovemaking as exercise?

So that is my update. I will need to formulate resolves from this list for next year. I will also have to include some thoughts about relationship goals. I am thinking more in the lines of “taking care of MM and working to support her as I am best able,” or something to that extent as that goal. I will be omitting a couple of goals for next year (formal lessons and theory, debt free). I think that I can modify my financial goals to make them more realistic. Exercise needs to be in the list.

That’s it for now. Happy daze to you all!

- tDF