My headache has finally broken… it only took two weeks. This one was not so bad as others have been, but two weeks of headache hell is more than anybody should have to endure. Its over, if nothing else. That is good.
School grinds toward the end of the semester and I am still behind on work. That is catching up, but not at the rate that I would like.
My friend and I are good. I am spending most of my time with my friend, spending most evenings there. I find that she and I are growing closer daily. That is a good thing. It still feels weird to have my place as little more than a drop off locale. In the past I have been so territorial, needing my space to maintain sanity. The reality is that the only reason that I need to spend some time here in my home to justify having it. My friend made a comment that others would think that we are living together. We are in every practical sense: I eat there, sleep there, and spend almost all of my time with her. I come here to change clothes and work at my desk.
Realistically, it is way too early to think seriously about living together. Allowing myself to dream and to make believe, it would be nice to live together. When I return from my fantasy life I have to say that I would want us to have at least a year together – maybe more? – before we would even consider a move like that. So many changes would have to happen to make room for me and my daughter. The practical part of me chides the heart of me that wants to be beside her. But still, my time with her is sweet. In a very short time on the calendar I have fallen deeply in love with this woman. It is difficult for me to imagine life apart from her. We are close, very close.
I went through a period of having lost my sex-drive following my divorce from S. I was content that I would live alone and was not wanting to be with any one person. All of that has changed: I can feel lusty fires beginning to burn in my heart and in my loins for my friend. That part of me that wanted most to love and be loved is beginning to hear the words of love that recall it to life.
I have only been apart from my friend for a couple of hours, if that. I just did my homework and returned a phone call. I am missing her. I want to be in her arms again.
I do love her so.
I am a lovesick fool…
and am loving it, too…
