January 04, 2004

Knowing you, knowing me...

I’ve just gotten back from driving my daughter back to college. It was good to spend six hours with her in the car… she is such an interesting person. I started to think about knowing the people that I love. It occurred to me that I liked the Bernard Pivot questionnaire, better known as the questions on Inside the Actor’s Studio. It is a good tool… good questions. Here are my answers with some elaboration.

1. What is your favorite word? “Hope” I am, despite my dark edges eternally optimistic about life and this world. Hope is the only thing that keeps us living and saves us from indulging in an orgy of excess just to prove that we are… it saved me from suicide when I was an adolescent, and is the grace that allows me to see every day as a gift.

2. What is your least favorite word? “No” If grace is God’s “yes” than “no” is something that limits. I look for the “yes” in all things. This does not mean that I get everything that I want, far from it. It is finding the “yes” when the whole damn world seems to be crying no… back to hope, I suppose. YES…

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Silence, a blank page… I don’t yet know what sounds to make, what words to write… the possibilities are endless. How shall I break this silence, what words shall I speak…

4. What turns you off? Noise… meaningless drivel that passes for meaning; sound and fury that signifies nothing. There is so much noise in this world; commercials telling us that we need to smell a certain way or dress a certain way to be acceptable, noise that passes for music which we play because we fear silence... The list goes on.

5. What is your favorite curse word? FUCK…So many possibilities. Want to start a beautiful friendship? (Fuck yeah…); angry and don’t know how to confound them? (FUCK YOU! – now really – this is more a promise and a word of hope… a curse would be NEVER FUCK YOU.. back to “NO”); lost in the dark? (Fuckin’ A… ) The list goes on…

6. What sound or noise do you love? The sound of a lover sleeping the sleep of the content in my arms… sigh

7. What sound or noise do you hate? Anything said in anger… words are too strong to use with blind fury; once unleashed they can never be recalled and their harm lasts as long as does memory. I've unleashed so many such salvos that I will spend a lifetime atoning for my shortsightedness.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? I would be a teacher of history at the graduate level. I love history. It is the common story that binds us each to each.

9. What profession would you not like to do? Anything that values paper, currency, or anything over compassion.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? “My mistake; you ARE on the guest list…”


Ah, but I am just a fool...