In January of this year I wrote the following:
Thinking about what the priorities should be, the following come to mind:
Financial: To live within a budget and to responsibly service my debts;
Professional: To locate suitable employment that will allow me to meet my nut every month with room to spare;
Music: Complete the CD and distribute, gig to support it and for personal satisfaction;
Personal Relationships: Spend quality time with the important people in my life;
Spiritual: Continue to do anonymous kindness for those that cannot repay me, improve my spiritual development.
That is a heady list. I think that I have to do some realistic planning that takes into account time necessary, resources, and who needs to be involved. That is the hard one for me; I need to be a bit more pragmatic here.
I have made some discernible progress toward my goals. Most notably has been securing employment with the school district that I wanted to work for. This also moves me much closer to working within a budget and meeting obligations without as much stress.
I have always been good about doing acts of kindness for others. Spiritual development is still a bit of a sore spot. I have been invited - generally by well-meaning fundamentalists - to visit their churches. I try to be polite and gently decline the invitation. I have no desire to be part of a formal faith community at this time in my life. I have wondered about finding some spiritual connection, but I still have a good deal of Lutheran blood coursing through my veins; I have little toleration for cosmic fluff (of any variety).
Music and personal relationships remain the neglected parts of the equation. Music is hard to do when instruments become a source of income. I need to redeem those that are unavailable and return to concerted practice. I have been taking lessons on guitar. That has been helpful, though I will bow out of that for a month or so. Personal relationships... not now. Anybody that has read this blog can see the trail of tears left behind following a year and one-half of a painful relationship. I don't want to perseverate on that one. I thought that she was the "one". She wasn't. She began to have serious issues in November and refused to accept help offered. I don't know what happened to her that she became so greedy and selfish. I hope, for her sake, that she gets over it. As for me, I am done with her. I want never to see her again and to move on.
Looking back is a helpful exercise. It has been a tough year, but a good one. And I am ever hopeful that life is good.
Ah, but I am only a fool...
