Ah, the women I have loved.

Last night I wrote about the “psycho-babes” that I dated. I gave a couple of examples of the psycho-babes that I had met over the past several years since my first divorce. The list was far from all inclusive; indeed several were left out. For a while I was convinced that I was a “psycho-babe” magnate; perhaps the only time in my life that I have ever been a babe-magnate of any stripe, I suppose.

But there have been those women that I will always remember with gratitude and kindness for having crossed my life at an important juncture and having given me something that helped me through that time to be a better person. It is those women that I wish to salute. I am limiting my list to those people that I have dated and have enjoyed a meaningful relationship with. There are three that stand out who deserve note and wishes for continued well-being.

• KJS was the first woman that I loved. We were both young, indeed I was only 20 and she was 18. What I recall most is that for the first time I did not merely have sex, but made love. She taught me that lovemaking is qualitatively different than fun-sex. She and I were together for a short period of time – my stubborn will meeting hers – made this an intense and short lived relationship. I think of her fondly now nearly thirty years hence I hope that whatever gods there are will bless her with peace and joy. She is married, has been for over 20 years, and has two daughters in college.


• DP the first relationship that I had after my first divorce. DP was in a position that required a woman with the patient endurance of Job. The girls and I were all wounded. We were distrustful and looking for reasons to be betrayed. That had been our reality. That became our expectation. R, in particular, hated her. A was too young, being only 2 years old. She was kind to us and gave us the lesson of hope in healing. We all learned that there could be life again because she lavished us with unrequited love.


• AW, a sweet woman whose quiet heart and loving manner always reminds me to seek peace. AW was a psychologist and a student of the soul. She was a non-confrontational woman who, following the dissolution of her marriage, became my friend and later my lover. She was in that infamous “transitional” phase of life where she was discovering life anew. I was learning that I could find peace in the maelstrom of my emotions. She lived quietly and by example gave me the gift of peace and the enjoyment of solitude.


• PC with whom I discovered passion for life. She was 13 years younger than I was when we met. She carried herself with grace befitting an older person; I still seemed callow. We loved with a love that was enduring, if not peaceful, and came to an end when she was offered her dream job working in the capital. I have passively followed her career and have seen her climb the party’s ladder. I am certain that she will run for office. I’d vote for her. She helped me to understand that I was indeed worthy of love, even if I could not understand loving.

MM, my enduring love, has come into a place that has been prepared by these women. Following both divorces and all of the pain that appertained to them, I had to learn that I could live again and trust again. MM loves deeply and with a depth of emotion and commitment that I would have run from in the past, but now humbly embrace. She sees a man worthy of love and care. I have hope of one day being what she sees.

There have been psycho-babes in my past, but the women that have loved me have had such a profound influence on my life, immensely more than the momentary freak-outs that the others caused. Love is its own reward. It brings us to see the potential of hope in life and makes possible dreams of a better world. Thank whatever gods or goddesses there are for all of these women…

And I am a fortunate fool.