Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa...

13 January - Later in the evening.

I suspected that this blog would get me into trouble. The problem is that I am leaving key details out of the conversation for the purpose of "intentional ambiguity." If I am using only first names, only alluding to dates it is out of respect for those persons that are part of my life, whose intimate details need not be broadcast. No falsification is implied nor is there any attempt to prevaricate in any way. I am telling the truth and respecting the privacy of those with whom I have shared this life.

A friend called today. She was concerned about something that I wrote in a posting earlier, asking if she was one of the "psycho-chicks" that I have dated of late. I was at great length to assure that she is not by any measure a psycho-chick. Let me say this here and now: I do not think that there are more psycho-chicks than psycho-dudes. I think that it has to do with our age. I am 46. The number of women to date has shifted to women that have either not been involved in a marriage or similar relationship, widows, or those whose relationship has failed. The cause of this - widowhood notwithstanding - may have to do with the baggage that we all carry. Some baggage is more onerous. The pool of "normal" people has shrunk and the ratio of healthy partners has changed (for all both men and women, gay and straight). As a result of this - and being a recovering psycho-dude - I have become somewhat cautious.

I really think that it is not an issue of finding a person that does not have baggage so much as it is finding a woman whose baggage matches mine.

Regardless of that... I will say this here and now. If anything I write is hurtful to anybody please know that it is not my intent. Recall my core value: If I cannot help you, I will do my damnedest not to hurt you. I offer an apology to anybody that has been, will be, or is hurt my anything I write.

In looking at myself I realized that I need a space to process the missteps I've taken in this dance we call life... this is part of that process. I can only tell the truth as I am able. Being a man of merely average intellect and education I sometimes stumble.

But I get up again...

Ah, but I am just a fool...